Hang the “W” off the yard-arm at Wrigley tonight. Sean Marshall took a no-hitter into the fifth inning before allowing a one out single. Your final score: Cubs 3, Marlins 1. ~

The Cubs will go into game two of this Marlins series tonight at 8:05pm. We’re starting against the D-Train tonight, which means we have to work the count and get at him within the first two innings. Here’s the scouting report on our starter, the youngster Sean Marshall:

In his second big league start on April 14, Marshall picked up his first win as well as his first hit and RBI with a run-scoring single. The lefty held the Pirates to four runs on five hits and one walk over five-plus innings. He struck out two, and departed after giving up two hits in the sixth, including Nate McLouth’s first homer. He retired the first nine batters he faced in the game, and showed incredible poise.

Let’s go, Cubbies. ~

I just came up with a way to make a million dollars really quickly. I’m going to download a bunch of slightly humorous video clips from sites like YouTube and CollegeHumor. Then I’m going to arrange them in no particular order and pay some unknown stand-up comic/starving actor to ad lib cheap topical jokes over them. I figure my production cost will be somewhere around $200. When I’m done I’m going to sell the thing to VH1, who will air it at 3 am amidst a bunch of Pantene commercials. Then, dear reader, I wait for the checks to roll in.
Seriously, how little does a network have to think of its viewers when its programming consists of Juliette Lewis talking about ‘My Little Pony’, or that girl I think I might have seen playing “Waitress #2″ on Gilmore Girls once talking over a video clip of Paris Hilton getting into her car? Please make it stop. Please earn the millions your advertisers pay you by actually making tv shows. Even when I’m just flipping by this garbage I feel dirty and used. ~